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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven of your Daily, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to discover that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking through the school acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|